(Published in the Star on 20 March 2013)

Correct people when they use negative choice of wordings to make them feel positive

Many of the words in Fred’s language are laden with negativity. Expressions like, “I can’t do it, I can’t do anything about it and I will try” are some common ones that he uses often when he speaks to people.

Many people are put off by his negativity but nobody corrected him when he was using them. Therefore, it is unsurprising that he is neither a happy nor a successful person. Perhaps, his friends should have corrected his choice of wordings whenever they hear him using them, which could have prevented him from being what he is now.

In Lesson 14, we shall examine why it pays to “correct” people each time they use words or languages that are filled with negativity. It also identifies where we can look for them or how we can differentiate the negative from the positive ones.

What is relanguaging?

When Fred is corrected each time he uses negative words, it shows that someone is trying to relanguage his words.

In short, it is about “reconditioning” or replacing his negative words into positive ones. It is important t do this often as the choice of words used reflects the inner state of a person.

Fred says “ I try” often. This can imply that he is afraid to take up responsibility. So when we take action on his choice of these words, we are helping him to relanguage.

What are the words that indicate negativity?

Fred probably uses many negative words which can be categorized into a few types. Blame words are those that assign blame on others instead of taking responsibility for it.

“He started it” is one of them. Another one is non-committal words that absolve them from responsibility. “I will try” is a common one.

A third one is generalization words that make sweeping conclusion of a person or event.

“Everyone knows that this cannot be done” is intended to build a strong case for their belief.

Another one is distortion words, which often has the “but” in it. One example is “I want to do it but I do not have the time.”

Study it deeply, it actually can mean that “they won’t do it.” Negative body language also needs to be watched out for. Folded arms, weak or no eye contact, soft or weak voice are examples of this.

What should we do when we notice them?

There are a number of ways of relanguaging. One of them is to make the person aware with a statement like, “I notice that you’ve used the word… a few times.”

Another one is to ask for a change of words, for example, “Can you change this word to something more positive?” Another way is to repeat someone’s words, like for example, if some said, “I don’t know”, then ask them in return, “don’t know?”

What have you learnt in this lesson?

1) What can happen if you allow a person to carry on using negative words?

2) What are some words that you need to be watchful for?

3) What should you do when you hear them?

4) What will doing this help you?

5) How can you prevent yourself from using negative words?