(Published in the Star on 20 Feb 2013)

Boosting someone’s self-awareness can empower them to make positive changes.

Tools to raise Self-awareness

Faridah, a department head, finds it hard to get John, a manager, to rectify his bad working attitude. John is often late for work, uses foul language while addressing his subordinates and frequently blows his top.Despite giving him pep talks, advice and even threats, John is steadfast in his ways. Faridah sees no other options apart form terminating John. But is this the best solution?

In Lesson 12, we will explore the importance of raising someone’s self-awareness as a powerful tool to empower them to make positive changes instead of resorting to persuasion or even threats, which often do not yield the results we want.

What is self-awareness?

It is obvious that both Faridah and John do not understand self-awareness. Self-awareness is about a person’s blind spot or a person’s narrow perspective that prevents them from seeing beyond the confines of their behaviours. Although Faridah’s methods did not garner any results, she did not think of applying a different way to get John to listen to her.

As for John, he does not realise that his behaviour will land him in hot water.

Both John and Faridah have “blind spots” in their actions.

Faridah feels that she has done her best but has she?

If she had “elevated” John to realise how his behaviours are not in sync with his higher needs, such as not living up to his core values, self identity and life purpose, John will be more likely to take a better look at himself and not resort to making excuses or putting blame on others to justify his behaviour.

How can self-awareness be raised?

Telling people what they should do or not do is usually an ineffective way to empower them to make changes. This one-way communication without the use of “elevating questions” usually does not lead to any realisation.

Some elevating questions that can help John realise the seriousness of his behaviour are, “Are you happy with your behaviour (values)? How does doing this help to project you well in the eyes of your people and those close to you (self-identity)? Does this fit into what you want to contribute to this world (life purpose)?

What can you learn from the lesson on self-awareness?

When we try to directly address someone’s behaviour, it often compels them to defend themselves.

Questions that usually get you nowhere are: Why do you do this? Why can’t you do that instead or why don’t you just stop it? People usually change when they see how their actions are either endangering or promoting their higher needs of their values, identity and purpose.

Other self-awareness techniques

If Faridah had mentally stretched to challenge herself on her methods she would have improved on them instead of doing the same thing over and over.

Some of the questions she can ask are: “What else have I not tried? What is even more effective? How can I improve what I’m doing? What will make him change?”

Such questions have a common element – it challenges the mind or removes our blind spots.

What are the outcomes of high self-awareness?

People with high self-awareness are calmer and less reactive in the way they think, say or do things. They usually think more because they want to think over whether what they are doing is right or if there is a better way to getting to their goal.

Thus, they achieve more in their lives and are happier and more fulfilled as things are working much better for them.

What questions will raise self-awareness when people say this?

1. I have tried that many times

2. I can’t do it.

3. They will not listen to me.

4. I have no other idea.

5. I am too old to change.